The Culture of Being Nice

How many times have I told my kids to be nice? Be nice and share your toys with Susie. Be nice and give Johnny a turn. It drives me crazy when parents act like saying please is a golden ticket that gives their kid a free ride to whatever they want. Maybe this is just more of me getting meaner, but I can’t help but wonder in hindsight if sometimes I have taken away my children’s voices all in the name of being nice.

I recently watched my daughter panic at an invitation she wanted to turn down but struggled with declining and still being nice. I know I taught her this, but in hindsight I’m not sure how avoiding is any nicer than being straight forward.Nice Beach Cake

I know she isn’t the only one who has trouble with what nice actually means. One time a lady at church was talking about a co-worker that was constantly harsh and abrasive. From the description the co-worker was toxic and should have been avoided. But the church lady decided the best way to deal with her abusive co-worker was to try harder to be friendly, and make her a cake. And most of the women in the room seemed to agree that her “Let me reward you for walking all over me” attitude was a great idea!

There is no shortage of the opposite extreme either. Strong personalities seem to smell us from a mile away. But I’m learning it’s not nice to reinforce that pushing and manipulating is acceptable. Even when we’re interacting with moderate personalities, our hesitation and beating around the bush can be hard to interpret. Is the hesitation because I have other plans, or don’t like Chinese food, or am not interested in spending time with the person who offered the invitation? Or maybe, I just need a little encouragement.

I’ve also noticed that when I’m talking to someone who is obviously being nice or encouraging, I catch myself wondering if their compliments are sincere or if they have some ulterior motive. It’s like I’ve spent so much time putting a positive spin on everything to be nice, that I wonder if the tables have turned and I’m on the receiving end.

I absolutely believe that when sharing my feelings it’s vital to do so with kindness, tact and sensitivity. However, honestly is equally important to be honest for the greater good of the relationship. Additionally, it’s important to be sensitive to the other person’s needs and wants, to be aware of their body language and strive to truly understand them. When I’m authentic, it creates a safe environment of trust.

I’ve had years of building bad habits that will take time to break. But I’m working to be content with who I am, and then maybe I can help others to do the same. What are your best tools to find a balance between being nice and being honest?

Share
Posted in family, Motherhood, Womanhood | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

June 2015 Review

I’m so glad life settled down in June! There was still plenty going on and I got overwhelmed a few times but overall things were manageable. I’m looking forward to the routine of school, but I do enjoy not having to get kids up and out the door on time. I just wish I could spend more time being lazy or playing with them!Raejean Glasses

1 – Bicycle wheel on my wall, the first step of our family mission statement display

2 – New lenses again – I had to have them remade since I’m poly-carbonite sensitive

2.2 – Pounds gained. Darn it!

3 – Treats made: Hot Chocolate Cookies, French Toast Cupcakes and (a brand new to us recipe) Salted Caramel Brownies

4 – Days at a writing retreat; I may have overestimated the snack to hiking ratio and gained most of my weight that weekend

7 – Social events, there were parties, retreat and dinners with friends

9 – Projects completed in June, and only a few of them were writing related

June 2015 Instagram32 – Instagram pix posted in June

37 – Countries that visited Just Wanna Be Me in June, Brazil was #2 after the USA

459 – Page views, my Summer Goals for Kids was the most popular

1626 – Russian twists, I lost a half inch in my waist, but gained it on my hips

3886 – Words added to my book, yay retreat!

With 2015 half over, I looked back over my New Year’s Goals. I’ve completed or am on track for six of my ten goals; I completed my Associate in Claims, went to a writing conference and I start training for my promotion tomorrow. Thanks to the writing retreat, I exceeded my writing goal of 5000 words to my book and I still have six months left! I have been very diligent about tracking my food and exercise and have blogged at least once a month (barely, but I’m still hanging in there). The rest of my goals seem pretty far out of reach but they help me track my growth and fine tune what is truly important in my life.

How’s your progress with your resolutions or goals at the half way point of 2015?

Share
Posted in Celebrations, cooking, Home, Photography, Womanhood, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

May 2015 Review

May was busy, but at least it was a good busy unlike April. The month was full of celebrations from a wedding to birthdays and graduations. Oh yeah and Mother’s Day was thrown in the mix for good measure.

May buffet0 – Weight lost, also the amount of weight gained – so there’s that

1 – New dishwasher!

2 – New lenses

4 – Other moms who enjoyed a Mother’s Day brunch with me

6 – Bras for $30 shipped from Zuilily

9 – Celebrations, all those birthdays and graduations – I even posted my favorite graduation speech on YouTube

13 – Projects completed, most of them were celebration related!

24 – Tables decorated for a friends wedding, which was a great way to spend time with my girls

May Squat Challenge31 – Pictures on Instagram

47 – Countries that visited the blog

178 – Words added to my book, the celebrating cut into my writing time

618 – Pageviews on Just Wanna Be Me

1640 – Squats completed in the month of May

All in all, May was a good month with many happy moments to celebrate with family and friends. I must admit, I wouldn’t mind if June was a little more lo-key.

Share your plans for June!

Share
Posted in Celebrations, Exercise, family, Home, Photography, Womanhood, Writing | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on May 2015 Review

April 2015 Review

April kicked my butt; I’m relieved I survived it! I’m still struggling to get back in control this month! In some ways April was better than March.

1 – Test passed, 6 more to go for my designation if I did my math correctlyNew car

2 – Cub Scout den meetings

2.4 – Pounds lost, and that’s the upside of stress

3 – Friends joined me for girls night out

4 – New to me wheels

6 – Projects completed

37 – Photos to Instagram

468 – Words added to my book

473 – Just Wanna Be Me page views

Some of those numbers were lower than I had hoped, but I had a few unexpected accomplishments too. Like buying a car, and all the stuff that went with that process. I hope you had a great April and May is even better for you. Share your April highlights!

Share
Posted in Womanhood | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments